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we're generally convinced that everyone thinks we're assholes.

last semester, there were always people hanging out in our apartment. people came to visit all of us. then we started getting into little tiffs and max, brian, and i all use humor as defense mechanisms (and pretty well, i'd like to add) and as the semester went on fewer and fewer people hung out here. people would come to get you if they needed you somewhere, but never really socially.

our methods of making ourselves more content with the environment seemed to offend everyone else.
the best examples of this would be my faking an argument with maarten just to end the argument he'd been having with max for forty-five minutes (a technique almost everyone i know back home has used numerous times) and my writing a note on the dry erase board that i didn't want to be part of any more poorly organized parties, which seemed to fill albert with a deadly rage.
these were just my ways to quickly remove myself from situations causing me duress and get a quick laugh while i was at it, an opportunity i have never passed up once in my life (even at my grandmother's funeral i was making jokes in my head. its how i cope with anything unpleasant.) and they resulted in people getting mad and pretty much writing off max, brian and i.

it pesters me because, and no offense to you guys about this, max and brian are much more vocal about things that bother them, and they get much more aggressive and in people's faces about it. i'm the passive one who makes jokes. yet i'm the one who gets all the flack. i'm the one who gets the death stares and i'm the one who has to deal with hypocritical instant messages late at night and i'm the one people get mad at.

well, i somehow managed to get suzanne mad at me tonight (max and brian seemed more confused by it than i was, and they were there the whole time) and it dawned on me that i'm not really that much of an asshole.

sure, the three of us always laugh about what asshole we are because of these incident and the terrible jokes we make in each other's company, but really, we're not that bad.

all my friends from new york can attest to the fact that i am extremely mellow on the scale of insults. everywhere i go at home, 80% of the people around me are more aggressive and offensive than i. i'm a pansy.

so i advise everyone who's feelings i have hurt to never go to new york unless you plan on completely ignoring everyone else there.